Couldn't stop thinking about how I will do damn damn badly for my 4 mid terms....................


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Location:Corporation Drive,Boon Lay and Pioneer,Singapore

:)

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It's been a month into 2014, how time flies.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Corporation Drive,Boon Lay and Pioneer,Singapore

Big fat elephant thighs lolzzzz

I dropped my iPhone today at a salon in haji lane.......
The first time I dropped it was in a toilet in nus....
I swear I'm so afraid that it would crack...... Esp so when it's <1 month old...

Oh & it's one more month to my birthday......
How time flies?
My mom was asking me if I wanted to have a buffet at home since my birthday falls on a Sunday........
Don't usually have the habit of celebrating birthday cos it's just adding another number to your age on this day?

If I could wish for something for my birthday, I would wish for good health, which I know it's totally impossible.......... Then I would wish for my illness to progress slowly...

Yknow I'm sooooo afraid of waking up, realising that my condition has worsened and more symptoms appear.......
People judge.
My face has become more swollen (esp when it was big to begin w) due to the side effect of the med..........

I don't know what the future holds for me.
Sometimes, I really do wish that I would sleep and never ever wake up again. (Still wishing)
I hate being sick.
I hate having to swallow so many pills in the morning.
I hate myself for crying almost every night, making my pillow wet, noses blocked, eyes pain and have to breathe through my mouth.
I hate my life.
I hate to live in this world.
I can't wait for my heart to stop beating and die.
I find life meaningless at times, cos I know that the only option left is to rely on medicine to live.
Yes, there's medicine available to control it. But there's none to prevent or cure it. In a way, I'm just prolonging my life since it's unethical for someone to be left to die when there's surviving options available and since life is sacrosanct? Why care about quantity of life when your quality of life is jeopardised? Yes, there are research ongoing to uncover more about this illness and discover better treatments. But when will that materialise? The answer is ambiguous.

I hate having to put up a 'strong image' in front of friends, families and doctors, acting as if I'm normal like anyone else (when I know I aint)
I don't want them to see the weak and fragile side of me.
Sometimes I would just tear unknowingly on bus or train when I'm alone.......

I would rather have an instant death than this slow and torturing 'journey' to death.

I didn't expect myself to type so much.
I know no one would understand what kind of life I'm going through since everything appears normal on the surface.

This illness is rare and I know that it's only a matter of time when even the strongest medicine available on market is unable to control it.

This blog is going to register entries of my 'journey to death'.

再见。

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Corporation Drive,Boon Lay and Pioneer,Singapore

1/3 more to go.
1 more day to go & I'm freeeeeeeee...!

*sniff sniff* lolz

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Corporation Drive,Boon Lay and Pioneer,Singapore

Need like 5 types of medication now...
And...



Endless appointments from various specialists...
And...



Endless tests to do...

Sometimes I will still forget to take my medication in the morning although it should be a routine for me already...
Sometimes I will just wish for my heart to fail, then all these pain and misery and suffering will end at that instance...
DR asked if I'm tolerating the drug well and told me that the current dosage is not enough for my current condition. What else can I reply other than a 'ya okay' 😐😷😒

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Corporation Drive,Boon Lay and Pioneer,Singapore

iPhone 5S gold arrived yayyyy ! 😄

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Corporation Drive,Boon Lay and Pioneer,Singapore

Can't wait for this to arrive 😄

On a side point, I stepped on the weighing scale at my workplace today and the first digit changed.
I gained ... 5kg in 1.5months.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Corporation Drive,Boon Lay and Pioneer,Singapore

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