Im supposed to be @ some hotels by right.
A decision was made 2 weeks ago, that is, not to go.
Anyw, no1 will care.
Like ive said, i shd stay away from crowds.
Lotsa things happened, and some, rlly made me caught off-hand.
Went Taman Jurong, Thai Village, for 2nd dinner.
Had been eating ALOT for the past few days.
Gained weight alr.
Fcuk.
Sighs.
Sometimes, things just happen ... ... so caught off hand.
And ... i should really stop-thinking-so-much.
But, it's really hard ... for me ... not to do so.
Yupps, guess i ll just stay away from crowd.
Keep myself busy by working.
And hopefully, i ll be able to change.
这条路，走得好辛苦，好辛苦。
好累，真的好累。
是我的错，我认了。
不是我的错，我也认了。
这是命，谁都不能改变。
幸福是不能用金钱换取的。
Finally, the small o's over. hehe.
...
...
...
...
But ... ...
Yknow, was feeling ... terribly bad, not bcos of the O's.
But bcos of something ... which happened ... months ago ...
I wldnt mind the end, but its the progress of the whole thing.
Have been crying lots over this.
Its rlly hard to get healed...
Those scars are there, not as easily removed as i think.
Confidence? Thinking too much?
Am i?
I still rmbed 1 week to month before the O's, was brooding over it a lot & broke down.
Texted fren and fren replied me with 1K sms.
Imagine?
A friend who is still willing to spend the time consoling when o's approaching, comforting, whats more can i ask more?
Yeah, those sms are rlly motivating...
But, i dont get motivated long enough.
It dies off easily, as for my case.
I have put 'protection on' for those sms-es, so that it wont get deleted if i were to clear my inbox. when im feeling down, i can refer to that & feel better?
Yeahs, seeing those sms-es wldnt stop me from thinking of that agn.
That night, we lying on bed, wanted to get some sleep for next day's paper.
And i cldnt stop thinking bout it agn.
And, tears just flow down.
and for that 1hrs ++, was thinking & crying, thinking & crying, thinking & crying.
texted fren agn.
I told fren a lot of stuffs yknow...
Its just feels so comfortable telling fren things, pouring out thoughts & stuffs.
I rlly wanted to control my emotions, to cry less & stop thinking that much.
But its rlly hard.
Its all in-built in me.
Guess i rlly have to learn to be independent.
Im going 17 in less than 2mths time.
During this period, will go to a far-a-away place to ... ...
Yupps.
My mind's made up.
No1 will understand why im doing all these & stuffs.
cnt believe, im tearing agn.
like how many times ive teared over the same old issue?
It just cnt stop................................